Jeter Scores in Offseason

After seeing the pictures in the New York Post, I can only assume that Jeter's Driven cologne may actually work. How else can this picture be explained?


At first I thought they might be playing ladies volleyball, talking about makeup and kissing boys, but then I realized from the other photos that he's hitting that chick. Now what the hell does this douchebag have that I don't? Take away his millions of dollars, worldrenowned fame, endorsement deals (free gatorade!) and all that, and he's just like me. Only I bet he doesn't have his own bedroom at his mother's house just the way he left it, or an STD so aggressive it's named after him.

I've got my own cologne too, jackass. And it's reserved only for one special lady at a time. I just dab it over a cloth, press it to her face and she just goes comatose with arousal. I call it Night in My White (Van). Ladies, call me.

For the record, I had to write this post twice. There were too many typos from writing it with clenched, angry fists.