I was asked for my NFL predictions by the crew at Hugging Harold Reynolds, and in 10 minutes time, I put together this list. I'm not making excuses, I'm bragging.
*Bears - Purely because of their D.
Packers - Brett will be on fumes this year, I'd rather be running on premium fumes than regular gas. It's the difference between a guinness fart and and a taco bell fart.
Vikings - A Taco Bell fart that leaves a purple stripe.
Lions - This is Jon Fucking Kitna's team, and he's taking it the only place he feels safe from the storm: the cellar.
The Team Tony Romo is On - Because according to everyone, he's the only person worth mentioning.
Redskins - This feels about right.
Giants - Brandon Jacobs is gonna make every fantasy owner cry. He was good at taking goal line touches. But he never really worked to get to the goal line, did he?
Bucs – Will randomly be better for no good reason. The part of No Good Reason will be played by Jeff Garcia.
Panthers – They keep slipping a little every year.
Falcons – Somewhere, Joey Harrington is looking at a playbook and thinking, "where's that INT route I was so good at?"
Rams – Stephen and the Bulge should be a buddy comedy.
Seahawks – Shaun Alexander will only be disappointing whatever clown drafted him. The rest of us knew better, right?
Cardinals – Matt Leinert will be just as good a father as he is a starting QB.
Steelers – Back to form, but not their year. Steely McBeam is responsible.
Ravens – I am so unsold on this team.
Cleveland – The Frye Era will be terrible – all 2.5 weeks of it. Enter Brady the Lady Quinn.
Dolphins – Crazy pick here, but I gotta feeling. Plus I need to separate myself from my peers.
Jets – Not a great situation at any major starting position.
Bills – Losman, dude. He's studying with Harrington I bet.
Jaguars – Rawwwr!
Texans – Think the QB will have wished he stayed in Atlanta just one more year?
Titans – leaking oil. Vince Young can't scramble on every play, can he?
Chargers – LT and Rivers both great, but who else is?
Chiefs – Awkward Silence Goes Here. Awkward Silence then bitch slapped by Herm Edwards.
Raiders – Culpepper to Moss almost happened again if the receiver hadn't left to the Pats. It would be like watching my grandparents play catch. Old people are funny sometimes. "Give me back my teeth!" they yell. They're so precious.
Wildcard: Chargers, Steelers, Packers, Rams
Conference Winners: Pats (Over Broncs), Saints (Over Eagles)
And Tom Brady celebrates by getting everyone pregnant.
Cross posted at Hugging Harold Reynolds