Sure, Your Fantasy Team Sucks has thoughts on what the NFL draft meant for other Non-Pats teams, but in the interest of not having to write it all out or even think about it, YFTS has solicited the fan's perspective - people who actually like these other teams that are not the Patriots. Today, reader and competitive-mustache-grower BM offers his reaction to the Packers draft. His words below:
Your offensive line is MAULING their defensive line. You survived a first half in which you had three STUPID turnovers, and you’re marching down the field, and dominating. Run left for 16. Run up the middle for 9. Short pass for 11, to keep them honest. Run left for 10, down to the 1.
Flashback to the first half, you ran a slant inside the five which your aging gunslinger QB impaled his WR in double coverage for a TD.
First and goal from the one. The previous three running plays just netted you 35 yards. So what do you do, hotshot? WHAT DO YOU DO?!?!?!!?!?
Slant right to Driver, intercepted and returned 76 yards.
There you have it ladies and germs, how the Green Bay Packers kept themselves out of the playoffs last year. They dominated the Bills, McGahee got injured in the first quarter, and Losman was having a dreadful day (sound familiar Bills fans?) against the Pack’s decimated secondary before a blown coverage saw Hollywood Lee get behind them for six to take a 17-10 lead in the fourth. But this drive was our answer, and then, it was over; the season looked hopeless. Classic case of a rookie coach looking lost out there.
And when things dropped to 4-8, your only chance is to look forward to getting a giant JOHNSON in the draft, and then they went ahead and fucked that up to, winning four in a row, and ending up picking 16th. However, strangely enough, this young team showed some serious improvement those last 4 weeks, leaving you with at least some hope. A strong draft and who knows what could happen.
So what did we need? ACHHHHHHMAN left us high and dry, but he’s sort of running like an AT-AT these days, and Vernand Morency looked a lot more dangerous and is only pushing 25. But he can’t seem to stay healthy. Bubba supported our troops so fervently last year that he actually donated his hands to someone who lost his looking for IEDs. It would be nice to have a receiving corps that didn’t have to rely on Rod Gardner in the last two years because they’ve been about as durable as Sam Jackson in “Unbreakable.” On the other side of the ball, what can you possibly say about Marquand Manuel that rigor mortis can’t be used to describe.
A YFTS Exclusive: Ahman Green's latest X-Ray. Enjoy, Texans
So at pick 12, Marshawn “I do rape” Lynch gets drafted. While I’ve never necessarily agreed with his preferred method of achieving climax, I do like the way he hits the hole hard. But I do rejoice for all the fat women in Green Bay who are now a little safer, and the consolation is we can still give Mr. Favre (I respect my elders) a valuable weapon either at receiver (Robert Meachum looks niiiiiiiiiice) or at tight end (Ben Olson’s got jets, and more importantly, hands to go with them).
So Goo Goo-dell steps to the podium and tells me they just picked Justin Harrell?!?!?!?!? WHO?!?!?!??!?! So let me get this straight. EVERYONE knows you need help on OFFENSE for a change, and you go DEFENSE?!?!?! What the fuck!!!!!!! Look, I can see why we wouldn’t want to bring back a White End after Chewy started crashing prom parties, but could we PLEASE get SOMEBODY on offense that can stay healthy besides Favre and Driver? Fortunately, now we have the most depth in the league at defensive tackle, coming in at a Baker’s Dozen. Oh yeah, and he has the injury proclivity to fit in with our receiving corps.
But here's the thing. Everybody says how great a GM Ron Wolf was, but he was very mediocre in the first round. Remember Jamal Reynolds? Antuan Edwards? John Michels? Of course you don't, but I sure as hell do. Ted Thompson from 2000-2004 with Seattle took Alexander, Koren (out of jail finally, sipping his dry martini's on I-43 south, around Sheboygan probably), Steve Hutchinson, Jerramy Stevens, and The Marcuses (Trufant and Tubbs). All of them, save Koren, were starters on the Super Bowl XL team.
Seattle 's starting DT also fights crime.
But therein lies the problem with evaluating any Packers draft as a fan…..every one of us wants to see Favre get back to the Super Bowl. We inherently believe there has to be an Elway-esque ending for him, if only because his legendary curtain call began AGAINST us in a game we were favored to win by two touchdowns. This is like 10 years of trauma here; the NFL owes him another ring. But now we’ve got all this cap space, and no fucking Moss to throw to, and I’m feeling like Teddy KGB, “Veeeeeeeery Unsyateeeeesfyed.” But if A-Rodg pans out – more like if Brett ever allows us to find out if A-Rodg pans out – we could be dangerous in a few years. There’s the rub (Marshawn, take notes).
Overall: C
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