Springtime is Clutchtime

As baseball season begins in earnest soon, we'll read and hear about how clutch certain players are. But baseball clutch should be its own separate kind of clutch - just like golf clutch and hooker clutch.* These events aren't fast paced and there is an eerie stillness, which serves to intensify the experience. But to be truly clutch, you need a running clock. And nobody's got true clutch down like Larry Bird. Here's a video of Bird's buzzer beaters that is 5 minutes long. 5 minutes of buzzer beaters. Considering a buzzer beater lasts about 3 or four seconds (from the countdown to the shot), the sheer length of the montage is an accomplishment. Sure, Danny Ainge says stuff in interviews, but that doesn't count because when he talks, all I hear is circus music. I trained myself to do that. It makes the Celtics infinitely more watchable.



The other best part is the way Bird makes the same running-awkward-hop-lob shot a few times in a row. I used to do that when I was 8 and still hadn't figured out basic motor skills and hand-eye coordination. Sure, kids made fun of me - but then I punched them in the neck with a roll of quarters in my hand. As an added bonus, my hand-neck coordination got much better.

*I was going to use the word strangle, but let's be honest - you can't strangle a dead hooker. Clutch offers a bit of dignity.

Golf clutch videos below:


What the hell dude.


Look at that backswing! It's the kind that any boyfriend of Tara Reid would love to have.

UPDATE: The 8 Minutes of Clutch Kobe Bryant videos don't count either because I'm pretty sure 7 minutes of it is him sitting in a court room.