After securing the AL East Division win, the Red Sox celebrated in true, humbled form. Players calmly walked onto the field, tipped their caps to the home crowd, signed autographs for every person there, and then held several minutes silence in honor of our armed forces in Iraq and Afghanistan and kids with cancer. That's what really happened. It just appeared that the place went apeshit and a champagne-soaked Jonathan Papelbon removed his pants while performing an irish jig. According to Science-y Stuff in My Head (a medical journal written by yours truly), you saw what you wanted to see, you hedonistic pants-less ass.
The Red Sox then sauntered to a local watering hole, and thanks to some guy named Brandon, we have photographic proof that they responsibly provided revelers with beverages; quenching their thirst for libation and competitive triumph:
And how to look out of one eye while trying not to puke.