MLB Enforces its Blue Laws

LATE UPDATE: Go Here & Save Pesky.

Last month, the Boston Globe reported that Johnny Pesky - as much a fixture in the Red Sox home dugout as chaw-clogged cleats, a river of gatorade backwash, and saliva-drenched sunflower seeds - will no longer be allowed to remain in the dugout, thanks to MLB's decision to enforce a rule pertaining to limits on uniformed personnel in the dugout (take THAT elderly WWII veterans!). To be honest, I figured the Sox would work around this - make him a groundskeeper or something. No dice.

"We've been breaking the rule all along," Sox general manager Theo Epstein said yesterday, "and they told us they were going to strictly enforce it -- heavy fines that progressively get heavier every day he's in the dugout."

Official Logo of the Johnny Pesky Legal Defense Fund
Join the JPLDF today - F MLB in the A!!!

Like that creepy dude in my neighborhood, see if you can follow me on this one: There's approximately 72 home games left, all basically sold out, and Fenway capacity's hovers around 38,805. Would you pay an extra quarter per ticket to let Pesky sit in the dugout? I sure as hell would. While Sox tickets continue to rocket skyward, at least I would know where the money goes as I sit in my obstructed view seat. At a quarter per ticket, you would generate roughly 10K per game. For the season, that's 720K for Johnny Pesky Legal Defense Fund. Or maybe you could just add that quarter onto the price of beer, and that generate approx $43.25 (no one can afford the beer at Fenway). Finally, corporate america/Dunkin Donuts could join in and put a quarter onto its beverages for one day for the JPLDF - either in place of the aforementioned possibilities or in addition to them.

I can think of no more rewarding feeling than handing over a fine to MLB at the end of each home game. Every home stand would have a new way of proudly paying up - delivering an oversized check, a formal presentation at the first pitch, or just have fans throw rolls of quarters onto the field at the end of the game (instead of during A-Rod's at bats like usual). It would make every game feel like a win. Plus, who is Ortiz gonna hug after he jacks a homerun? If Pesky's absence causes a Papi hitting slump, paying the fine would be considered an investment.

The point is, we don't care if Pesky held the ball, we're holding onto him.