Today marks another chapter in the eternal struggle of man vs. beast - which at present count is totally in man's favor (how many species have animals forced into extinction? None? Pathetic symbiotic douches). In Hartebeesport, Africa (I did not make that up), a really fast guy named Brian raced a 2 and half year old Cheetah. Because they were racing side by side, they distracted the wild cat by waving a hunk of lamb in front of her. Think about that for a second. They taunted a cat of prey with meat before lining her up next to some available (if not lean) prey. That's like someone dangling a rotisserie chicken in front of Kirstie Alley before she gets behind you in the buffet line. Only with fewer shouts of Stuffanudder Beefy in Mama Mouf! Mmmm I tasty all of dem! You look like appetizer to me small man! MMMMMMM!!! while bones and jello are spit everywhere.
Cheetahs may be able to run fast, but I'm still not eating their creepy yellow snacks.
The result? Well, I thought the result would be something for Big Daddy Drew's Kill Kill Kill tag, but I was wrong. The Cheetah decided to humiliate the guy by beating him twice and then not eating him. For the record, if I was bested in anything by even a distant relative of Garfield, I'd wanna be consumed on the spot out of principle, you know? And for those of you who say Garfield isn't real, I say look at the funny pages. He's right there, isn't he? Oh how he tortures that adorable Odie!
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